Oh Captain! My Captain!

College has killed poetry for me. Well, perhaps just this one class; Creative Writing. I love writing, I really do. It is structured, yet spontaneous. It has rules, but no inhibitions. I learned this when I took a creative writing class in high school, and fell in love. There was no textbook you had to follow by, it was "write whatever the hell you want and get away with it" class. I felt that maybe this college creative writing class would be the same way, with maybe a bit more maturity. Boy, was I wrong. The poetry we're required to write in this class is too cut and dry, too by the book. You can try to be creative, but you definitely have limits. Sure you can abandon the forms and structures, but I don't feel the freedom to write whatever was on my mind. Write what the textbook tells you to write; write what the professor wants to hear. I don't feel accomplished or proud of really anything I have written. And okay, honestly? When did poetry become so subjective? If you ask me, poetry is a form of art. Art, is objective. You can not grade art, art has no boundaries, no limits, no rules. Anything can be art. Now, you can break down poetry into the technical terms such as alliteration and syntax, but you can't grade the poetry on how well those things work. Also, you can not tell the author that their poem is "unsuccessful" because it does not have enough of these technicalities. Poetry is open to interpretation. In fact, poetry is a form of interpretation expressed through words and language. It can not confined or defined, and to do so is immoral to all writers.

I'm reminded of that movie "The Dead Poet's Society". My first creative writing class was conducted just like the class in the movie. Robin William's demands that they rip out the introduction to poetry in their textbooks because frankly, it's trash. They made their own rules, they had no rules. That what the sheer beauty of it. I don't want to be forced to write with poetic line and rhythym or worry about my syntax and diction. College is teaching me to think of poetry by the book, demanding that I write with all the rules in mind. Screw the rules. I don't need any stinking rules. I would love for a professor that did not over analyze every word in a poem or story and try to get about eight different underlying metaphors out of it. I just want to write so people can read my mind, free of technical terms. I want my writing to be free. Like in the end of "Dead Poet's Society". You can't grade somebody on their artwork, you can't fire someone from their job because of what they believe in, and you can't cage the freedom of expression. So all I'm doing, is standing on a chair shouting, "Oh Captian! My Captain!"

Voluptuous Goddess Vs. Victoria's Secret Twig

Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 sex goddess, and dear Lord I love her for it. She was the first PlayBoy centerfold, she was the first "dumb" blonde, and while maybe those aren't such great things to be proud of, she clearly defined sex appeal. Granted, she had her own demons that she kept in her closet, but honestly, who doesn't? She had real gumption. She made it okay for women to be a bit slutty. I believe she gave that era of women a little bit of a confidence boost. It's okay if you have curvy hips honey, it's okay to have huge breasts and flaunt them. Marilyn was empowering, and still today she is my Rosie the Riveter. So what if people call you a whore because they think you show too much cleavage, and so what if every man in town is gawking at you? Doesn't it make you feel just the tiniest bit more sexy? Marilyn was sexy because she knew it, and she knew she had the entire entertainment world in the palm of her hand; eating up whatever she handed out to them. And sometimes, she handed out too much. Which probably led to her demise, but that is a completely different story. Marilyn is a prime example of just being sexy as you are, it does not matter what size dress you wear. You're sexy because you do not fear those ten pounds the camera might add to your waistline, you're sexy because you're the only person that can pull off what you've got. So falunt it!

On the other hand, why is it that I (and others too) feel the need to weigh a hundred pounds and be an airbrushed, toned, hard body that models lingerie? Why do we need to be so super skinny? Why is toned and photo-shopped the new sexy? Why is cellulite disgusting and why am I not allowed to love it? When did we come up with ideal of beauty? And why oh why do I want it so bad? It's truly sickening trying to make yourself that skinny. Literally. Ladies, we've all resorted to salads and fruit and simply not eating to keep up with this ridiculous standard. When all I want is another cheeseburger, damn it! I'm not saying that all women and standards of beauty and weight loss programs are like this, no. It has gotten better over the last couple years. A new standard of beauty is starting to emerge, the love your body standard. And I'm all on board for that. It's just those damn advertisements that make me rudely jealous. How can a person be that skinny, and why can I not look like that? It feels rather unfair. I think it would help us all, or maybe just me if they put some real women up on those Victoria's Secret billboards. Let's see some curves and natural boobs instead of those implants. Maybe then we'd slow down, stop competing with these fake airbrushed pictures, and remember Marilyn. Just sitting in front of her lighted mirror spritzing on Chanel No. 5 and loving every minute of it.

The Mean Reds

"Holly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul: Sure.

Holly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name! "

 I've got the mean reds. I'm scared, scared of failure and not knowing what I'm going to do with my life. Scared of never moving forward. The only thing that calms me down is Tiffany's; it's simplicity and proud look tells me that I don't have to figure out my whole life right now. It's not that I want to become a walking billboard for Tiffany & Co, or that I am genuinely in love with their product. Tiffany's is that reminder of there is always something more; to keep on dreaming. Tiffany's calmed Holly's anxiety when she felt like she wanted to run away, it reminded her of who she wanted to be. I'm not quite sure who I want to be, but when I look at Tiffany's I feel a longing and a fullness. A longing to be a wild thing like Holly, and a fullness of knowing that it's not so bad being caged. In short, Tiffany's is freedom. Tiffany's is a dream. Tiffany's reminds me to calm down and stay when I feel like I want to go somewhere new. It cures my mean reds and gives me a taste of what it would be like to be a wild thing.

If I could find a job path where I felt as passionate as I do with Tiffany's, then I'd decide on a major and go where it took me. But for now, I'm stuck on tiffany.com fighting the mean reds.

Gumption

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The will to continue. The energy that inspires others to be energetic as well. To have the guts to say what you feel and mean it. The spunk, the self-confidence that radiates from your fingertips. The word, "gumption" is used to maybe describe an old car that still won't give up the fight, or an old steamboat in the south. But, when I think of gumption, an entirely different meaning comes to mind...

In 2006, another ordinary, feel-good chick flick was released, called "The Holiday". I know critics say it was horrendous, and Nancy Meyers' direction skills makes little puppies cry; but at that time, that movie was as good as gold to me. The character Iris (Kate Winslet) and her story are really the only parts worth watching.  Iris is dumped by her rotten ex-boyfriend who still wants her around as his mistress while he becomes engaged to another woman. She leaves England for L.A. to switch houses with Amanda (Cameron Diaz) and ends up meeting the cutest old ex-film director, Arthur (Eli Wallach) who teaches her the meaning of this word and how to move on with her life. He (Arthur), explains this by making her watch old films with strong feminine leads. And, in the end, when the ex-boyfriend comes crawling to her front door saying he wants her back, but, he is still going to marry the other woman, Iris finally has the strength and the guts to look him in the eye and to tell him to bugger off. What my point here is, I wish all women and young girls to have this strength, this gumption.

Self-confidence is a woman's power tool. I want all women to know that they do not need a man to  feel beautiful or worth anything, because they are already beautiful and worth everything. They do not need to keep going back to the same scumbag they've dated eight times before. Ladies, if he made you feel like shit once, he'll probably do it again, time to move on. Having gumption means that you will move on. That you will wake up the next morning (alone) with the most glorious bed-head and believe inside and out, that you are pretty. No make-up required.  In fact, having gumption (I believe) makes you ten times more powerful and attractive, so you're sure to hook a hottie, not a loser, in no time. So, before you put on your make-up in the morning, put your gumption on first.